Momentos: No Time to Waste

I have a constant struggle thinking about whether or not I have made a good decision to come to Buenos Aires.

My thoughts tend to be the following:

--How in the world is 5 months long enough to learn a language well enough to teach it to others? Idiot.
--You have forced yourself to be an adult now. That sucks.
--Why am I not more motivated to sight see?
--What if I don't learn anything?
--What if I don't make any friends?
--I miss Target and Kroger.
--I miss my boyfriend.
--I miss my family and friends.
--Should I have waited for another time to do something like this?

After working at Bank of America Home Loans, and often receiving old loan files from other branches or people who had left the bank, the loan applications  may or may not have been worked on for months.  Either way, the customers would be upset that their files had been moved.  I would say to them--
"Look. I can't speak to what may have happened or not before now.  What I can do is move us forward, and if you still want a new loan then I am here to do my best in moving forward with what we have.  I may not have all the answers immediately and it will most likely not be an easy process, but I promise I won't stop working to close your loan."

Remembering that I said that to countless people has challenged me. I end up reminding myself, "The fact is, Kayla, you're here.  You wanted to be here. It's not going to be easy--you knew you'd miss everyone and everything from home--you knew about the Chinos supermarkets... You're not going have answers for everything, but you cannot stop working to use your time here. So: Now, what are you going to do to keep moving forward?"

I could use a million excuses to procrastinate, not go grocery shopping, stay in my room, not practice Spanish, and not get to know the city that I'm in.  But, then I'd be missing out on exactly what I wanted: to live in a new country and learn the language.

Now that I'm I having conversations with myself that look like the conversations with angry bank customers, I'm challenging myself to not harbor worries or sentiments about missing home.  I need to take every opportunity to do new things that might seem difficult or uncomfortable.  The time will never be just right to do any of this.

I'll probably keep going through this cycle of self doubt and motivation. The only thing that consistently motivates me is reminding myself that I shouldn't put off until tomorrow, what I can do today.  I am very thankful for what I have and what I can do while I'm here.

"Don't wait. The time will never be just right." ---Napoleon Hill